7.3 KiB
Real-World UX Writing Improvements
This document shows actual UX text transformations with scoring against the four quality standards: Purposeful, Concise, Conversational, and Clear.
E-commerce Checkout Error
Before
"An error has occurred while processing your payment. Please try again later or contact customer support if the problem persists."
Analysis:
- Purposeful: 2/10 — Doesn't help user recover or understand next steps
- Concise: 4/10 — 18 words, vague timeframe ("later")
- Conversational: 4/10 — Robotic system-speak ("an error has occurred")
- Clear: 2/10 — What error? When is "later"? Why did it fail?
Overall: 3/10 — Poor user experience
After
"We couldn't process your payment. Check your card details and try again."
Analysis:
- Purposeful: 9/10 — Provides specific next action
- Concise: 9/10 — 11 words, direct instruction
- Conversational: 9/10 — Natural language ("we couldn't")
- Clear: 9/10 — Specific problem and solution
Overall: 9/10 — Excellent
Why it works: Users know exactly what failed (payment), likely cause (card details), and what to do (check and retry).
SaaS Dashboard Empty State
Before
"No data available."
Analysis:
- Purposeful: 2/10 — Doesn't explain why or guide next steps
- Concise: 10/10 — Very brief, but too brief
- Conversational: 5/10 — Cold and unhelpful
- Clear: 3/10 — Technically accurate but not helpful
Overall: 4/10 — Needs significant work
After
"No data yet. Connect your account to see insights."
Analysis:
- Purposeful: 9/10 — Explains state and provides clear CTA
- Concise: 9/10 — 9 words, includes action
- Conversational: 8/10 — Friendly "yet" implies this is temporary
- Clear: 9/10 — Tells you exactly what to do
Overall: 9/10 — Excellent
Why it works: "Yet" creates expectation of future value, CTA is specific and actionable.
Mobile App Permission Request
Before
"'AppName' Would Like to Access Your Location" [Allow] [Don't Allow]
Analysis:
- Purposeful: 4/10 — Doesn't explain benefit to user
- Concise: 7/10 — Adequate length but no context
- Conversational: 6/10 — Standard iOS pattern, not particularly engaging
- Clear: 5/10 — Action is clear but reason isn't
Overall: 5/10 — Adequate but could be better
After
"Enable location to find coffee shops near you" [Allow] [Not now]
Analysis:
- Purposeful: 9/10 — Clear user benefit (find shops)
- Concise: 8/10 — 7 words with value proposition
- Conversational: 9/10 — Direct, benefit-focused
- Clear: 9/10 — Exact benefit stated upfront
Overall: 9/10 — Excellent
Why it works: Leads with user benefit, not system need. "Not now" is less final than "Don't Allow."
Account Deletion Confirmation
Before
"Are you sure you want to delete your account? This action cannot be undone. All your data will be permanently deleted."
Analysis:
- Purposeful: 6/10 — Warns of consequences but feels heavy-handed
- Concise: 5/10 — 19 words, some redundancy ("permanently deleted")
- Conversational: 5/10 — Somewhat robotic multiple sentences
- Clear: 7/10 — Consequences are clear
Overall: 6/10 — Adequate but could be improved
After
"Delete your account? You'll lose all your data and this can't be undone."
Analysis:
- Purposeful: 8/10 — Clear warning without being preachy
- Concise: 9/10 — 13 words, no redundancy
- Conversational: 9/10 — Natural phrasing, contraction
- Clear: 9/10 — Consequences clearly stated
Overall: 9/10 — Excellent
Why it works: Question format engages user, contractions feel human, consequences clear without repetition.
Password Requirements
Before
"Password must contain at least 8 characters including uppercase letters, lowercase letters, numbers and special characters."
Analysis:
- Purposeful: 7/10 — Provides requirements but hard to scan
- Concise: 4/10 — 17 words in one dense sentence
- Conversational: 5/10 — List reads like technical documentation
- Clear: 6/10 — Complete info but overwhelming format
Overall: 5/10 — Adequate but not optimal
After
"Create a strong password (8+ characters) Use a mix of letters, numbers, and symbols"
Analysis:
- Purposeful: 8/10 — Explains why (strong) and what
- Concise: 9/10 — 14 words, broken into scannable lines
- Conversational: 9/10 — "Create" vs "must contain"
- Clear: 9/10 — Easy to scan and understand
Overall: 9/10 — Excellent
Why it works: Two short lines easier to scan, "strong password" explains purpose, active voice.
Newsletter Unsubscribe Confirmation
Before
"You have been successfully unsubscribed from our mailing list. You will no longer receive emails from us. Thank you for your participation."
Analysis:
- Purposeful: 4/10 — Overly formal for someone leaving
- Concise: 3/10 — 23 words, lots of redundancy
- Conversational: 3/10 — Corporate, stiff
- Clear: 7/10 — Message is clear but verbose
Overall: 4/10 — Needs work
After
"You're unsubscribed. You can resubscribe anytime in your settings."
Analysis:
- Purposeful: 9/10 — Confirms action, offers easy reversal
- Concise: 10/10 — 9 words, direct
- Conversational: 10/10 — Casual, respectful
- Clear: 9/10 — Simple and actionable
Overall: 9/10 — Excellent
Why it works: Respects user's decision, provides exit ramp without guilt, uses contraction.
File Upload Progress
Before
"File uploading... Please wait."
Analysis:
- Purposeful: 5/10 — Shows status but no time estimate
- Concise: 8/10 — Very brief
- Conversational: 5/10 — Somewhat robotic
- Clear: 6/10 — Basic info only
Overall: 6/10 — Adequate
After
"Uploading report.pdf... Almost done"
Analysis:
- Purposeful: 8/10 — Shows filename and reassuring progress
- Concise: 8/10 — 4 words plus filename
- Conversational: 9/10 — Encouraging "almost done"
- Clear: 9/10 — Specific file being uploaded
Overall: 8/10 — Good
Why it works: Filename confirms right file is uploading, "almost done" reduces anxiety.
Common Patterns Across These Improvements
- Lead with specifics, not generics — "We couldn't process your payment" vs "An error occurred"
- Show user benefit before system need — "Find coffee shops" before "access location"
- Use contractions — "You're" feels human, "You are" feels robotic
- Break dense text into scannable chunks — Two short lines beat one long sentence
- Remove redundancy — "Permanently deleted" → "can't be undone"
- Use active voice — "Create a password" vs "Password must contain"
- Provide recovery paths — Always tell users what to do next
- Respect user decisions — Don't guilt-trip people who opt out
Quick Self-Audit Questions
Use these to improve any UX text:
- Can I remove any words without losing meaning?
- Does this explain what the user needs to know right now?
- Would I actually say this out loud to a friend?
- Is there a specific verb I could use instead of a generic one?
- Am I showing value before asking for something?